I don't really want to place too much significance on it but I suspect this bout of apathy has to do with the fact that tonight I went into my old chat room. You see, following the end of my marriage I retreated into an online chat room and dwelt there for approximately a year. It was almost literally all I did. In the end, it was the sheer determination of people like Miss Mischief, who continued to drag me out of the house, that eventually pulled me out and back into the real world.
Now that makes it sound like a very dark chapter in my life. It wasn't. It was vibrant, lively, chatty, fun and flirty. It was responsible for one of my greatest and most reckless adventures, my trip to America. Teddy and I met in that chat room and actually met in person and are still great friends to this day. But in general, the chat room was a substitute for the real world which I didn't want to face at the time.
I went to the chat room tonight in search of Teddy. He had texted me as I was leaving work that he was in there and bored, but he'd gone to bed by the time I arrived. So instead, the room was devoid of the liveliness and warmth I once experienced there.
It was empty save for a sad old drunk and a deviant. My first and only visit in about a year, I stayed for only ten minutes.
I'm not sure why it made me feel so cheerless and I'm not really up to the internal analysis right now. I can only hope that a good night's sleep will change my outlook.
At least tomorrow is my Friday for this week.
It wasn't too bad a day at work really. Invoices were entered, I found some bits and pieces I needed hidden in the piles on my desk. I needed to stay until 5:30pm today so I was going to call my dinner companions and let them know I'd perhaps be a few minutes late, but I got an email requesting a reschedule. I didn't mind because at least that takes me back to only three hot spots for the week. I remember also thinking 'Great! That means I can get heaps of stuff done tonight!'.. so much for that.
Today's food and exercise were:
- Breakfast was two slices of toasted Bürgen Wholemeal & Seeds Bread spread with Yumi's Hummus.
- Morning snack was a large just ripe banana.
- Lunch was a Mission Wholegrain Wrap with two slices of Bega Extra Light Tasty Cheese, 97g of Pastrami, fresh mushrooms and five sliced Perino snacking tomatoes, all toasted in the sandwich press. I also had about 60g of Tzatziki with fifteen slices of cucumber.
- Afternoon snack was a navel orange.
- Exercise was three sets of back stretches.
- Dinner was a 300g Lean Cuisine Balance Serve Spaghetti Bolognaise followed by a largeish serve of sweet potato fries cooked in the AirFryer. Not fantastic choices but still better than what I might have eaten had I gone out as originally planned.
- Dessert was 20g of Lindt 85% Cocoa dark chocolate.
Tonight was a write-off. Wasted opportunities. I could've got on the cross trainer. I could've eaten a better dinner. I could've cleaned the kitchen bench. But I didn't. I just didn't really feel like doing anything. A lot of the time now, I push myself to do more or to do better but tonight I didn't have the requisite mental energy or strength of will.
I'll just have to try again tomorrow.
Jess
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