Apr 6 & 7 - The Good, The Really Bad & The Possibly Good Again

  I had to write this weekend as one blog and you'll see why by the end.  I'll do things in reverse order today and give you food first.  This weekend's food was:

• Saturday night dinner was 210g Coles Mozzarella & Pesto Arancini heated up in the AirFryer followed by a 145g Coles Custard Tart and half a 125g punnet of fresh raspberries.
• Sunday night dinner was an antipasto platter containing (clockwise from the top left): A sliced Vietnamese bread roll, cucumber sticks, two carrots worth of carrot sticks, green beans, a slice of champagne leg ham (about 60g), two slices of pepper mortadella (70g), three slices of pastrami (30g), two roasted marinated artichoke hearts, three chilli and garlic green olives, about 150g of taramasalata and half a punnet of Perino snacking tomatoes.  This was followed by a mostly liquid dessert of two shots of Stone's Green Ginger Wine, with 375ml Schweppes sugar-free lemonade and a half a punnet of raspberries.

  So despite the indulgent nature of some of the items, I think you'll agree, not a huge deal of food for two whole days.  I'll get to the why, but it begins with feeling lousy.  I had vertigo again on Friday night so I woke up Saturday morning feeling blurry and cruddy, and a little sulky when I realised I wasn't seeing Mr Smart that evening.
  Still, I did not want to sit at home feeling lousy and sorry for myself, so off I went to The Glen in search of diversion.  My first stop was Zhong's, one of those little massage places, for which Gub had bought me a voucher.  I chose to have their foot reflexology massage.  I'm not a great believer in reflexology but I do like having my feet rubbed, so I thought it would be good anyway.  And it was.. the calf massage part of it was a bit painful when dear innocent looking little Winnie began slapping and pounding my calves with fists, but the relief when she stopped was nice.  Overall it was a relaxing experience and put me in the right frame of mind for further pampering.
  Next stop was Ross Caia where the lovely Brian has worked doing nails for the last thirteen years.  A Vietnamese man, one of eight kids, apparently he didn't know what to do with his life eighteen years ago so a friend taught him to do nails as a stop gap measure and he's been doing them ever since.  Does a damn good job too.  I went for shellacs which I've not had done before (not that I get my nails done terribly often).  Shellacs are meant to be very long lasting, two to three weeks without chipping and then they peel off neatly rather than chip.  I went for the colour Midnight Swim which is a deep blue that sparkles mischievously in the sun.

  Last but not least, a hair cut at Hair Express.  Happily I got one of the ladies who had cut my hair before.  Curly hair can be tricky so I'm always grateful when I get someone who I know understands it.  I am giggling in this photo as their young Ruby who sweeps up and does the hair washing had just photo-bombed the previous shot.  I would've used that shot because he was so funny but it came out blurry.
  Anyway, I got home feeling slightly better and said hello to Mr Smart in our usual chat window.  The trouble started with a line akin to "We have to talk" and ended three hours later with us deciding to break up.  I'm not going into the details, that wouldn't be fair on either of us, but suffice it to say we were both utterly miserable and I was crying a great deal.  I had a long chat with Mum and Dad on Skype and an even longer one with Earnest on the phone once I got to bed.  Thank god he already knows what a mess I can be, he can understand me even through sobs and willingly stayed with me until sleep arrived.
  Now don't go panicking and ringing me and emailing me, because this is why I wrote the two days together.  Due to the change in daylight savings both Mr Smart and I were up and back online by about 7:30am this morning, and five hours later, we'd decided maybe we made the decision in haste and out of fears not yet discussed or resolved.  I think we communicated more in five hours today than during the past year of our relationship.
  We have not decided what we want to do going forwards but we know a lot more about our reasons for being fearful or stressed or nervous about our relationship.  We are having some time to sit and digest everything we discussed, and to think about what we do and don't want were we to continue in our relationship and we will see each other this week to discuss it further.  It may be a slow process, we care about each other and don't want to make the wrong choice.  I ask that you all respect that and not rush to interrogate, though support is always appreciated.  When I know, you'll know.
  Anyway, I felt better after we'd talked, I think we both did, and I felt hopeful.  If we do decide to continue our relationship it will be from a stronger and more communicative base and if we don't, we will at least understand our reasons and be able to part as friends who will still continue to care for and support one another.  At least those are my hopes.
  In the afternoon Bertie came over to comfort me and check I was ok while I finally got around to doing laundry and dishes.  I hadn't done any laundry in a few weeks so I was down to nothing to wear to work in the morning if I didn't do some.  Ditto on dishes since the full house last weekend dirtied nearly every one.
  So anyway, that was my weekend... good, really bad, and possibly good again.  Only thought, honesty and time will tell.  And now I'm watching the soccer, alone and of my own free will (even though you can guess who sent me the link).  Come on Liverpool!
  Jess