Friday, September 7, 2012

Sept 7 - Tired

  I left work a bit early today as I was feeling blah.  To be honest, I still am.  I've had pretty good energy levels all week but today I just hit the end of the stretch.  My whole body feels heavy and I feel very tired.  Not sleepy so much, just generally exhausted.  I decided not to worry about exercising today as I've done four days in a row and will be able to manage both weekend days (I think).
  Captain Cupcake is staying over tonight.  She went to a local restaurant with friends tonight and got a little too ferschnickered to drive home again.  She's behind me now insisting that I "need controversy" to keep you all interested.  She espouses the use of hair pulling, drama, long-lost secret twins, men with eye patches and tawdry affairs.  To be honest though, there isn't much of that in my life.  I suspect she just misses the days when we used to rush home from school to watch The Bold & The Beautiful.
  I am still feeling quite tired and now getting a little sleepy as we approach midnight so I'm afraid you'll have to contend with a short blog tonight.

Food for the day:

  • Breakfast was yoghurt, berries and Fibre Toppers.
  • Lunch was a Mission Five Grain Wrap spread with Philadelphia Extra Light Spreadable Cream Cheese (about 30g) then topped with 68g of Tasmania Smoked Salmon, strips of carrot, snow pea shoots and cucumber slices.  I also had seven little Perino snacking tomatoes.
  • Afternoon snack was a tamarillo and an Afourer mandarin.
  • Dinner was a veggie heavy chile con carne.  542g of Heart Smart Lean Beef Mince, one grated zucchini, four grated carrots, a tub of sliced mushrooms, one can of red kidney beans, one can of cannellini beans, one can of corn kernals, three cans of diced tomatoes (two not pictured as I didn't realise adding all that veg would require greater amounts of liquid!) and one Maggi sachet of Chile Con Carne spices.  I had one serve on a Mission Five Grain wrap which had been microwaved with a heavy sprinkling of Mainland Finely Shredded Light Tasty cheese!
  • Dessert was 20g of Lindt 85% Cocoa dark chocolate.
  Have a  great weekend and love the ones you're with.
  Jess

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Sept 6 - Shame

  "My ability to tolerate shame, to compartmentalize it, to swallow it, increased right along with my belt size.  It came with the territory of being heavy.  Obese people have a lifetime of experience with shame." - Edward Ugel
  Yesterday I remarked that I couldn't have done this earlier as I wasn't ready to do it for me until now.  How true that is.  I started gaining weight in the early years of high school.  I thought I was fat, people told me I was fat, I felt ashamed of myself.  Of course now I look back on pictures of me then and laugh, I'd just about kill to be that size again.
  Now don't misunderstand, I'm not blaming my choice to overeat on being teased or bullied.  I actually had a mostly great time in high school.  I had a group of close friends, outcasts all and we kind of liked it that way.  But the fact remains, those comments made me feel ashamed because I believed they were true and I didn't like that.
Guilt is when we disappoint others, shame is when we disappoint ourselves.
  Somewhere along the line, when you enjoy your food like I do, you discover the great comfort that foods high in fat, salt and sugar can bring you.  Who here doesn't smile at the cheering thought of a warm chocolate brownie with a dollop of thick cream and a hot chocolate?  If you've had a crappy day, sitting there in a nice little cafe slowly savouring each bite makes the trouble melt away (if only temporarily).
  And then the shame spiral begins.  You eat something delicious and comforting.  You know it's bad for you.  You are ashamed.  People comment on your weight.  You know it's your own fault.  You are ashamed.  You eat something delicious and comforting.  People offer 'helpful' suggestions on losing weight.  You know you should do something about it but you feel helpless.  You eat something delicious and comforting.  You put on a show of doing the right thing but your heart's not in it.  You hate that.  You eat something delicious and comforting.  You hide the Mars Bar wrapper in the big bin outside.  You are ashamed.
  It's not easy to break out of that.  It's much easier to eat another chocolate than it is to accept you're not happy with where you are in your life.  I won't go into the physical side of food addiction, but that certainly feeds into the problem as well.  But suffice it to say, until I was ready to do this, until I felt strong enough to face my own realities, I could not have done this.  Not even with all the support I have had and been offered across the years.

  As a positive to that rather dark interlude, I went shopping after work today.  I walked in to Autograph wearing size 22 jeans and I walked out in size 18.  They are snug, but they will give a little with wear, and my butt looked kind of cute if I do say so myself.

Food and exercise for the day:
  • Breakfast was yoghurt, berries, muesli and slivered almonds.  Thinking about adding some sunflower and pumpkin seeds into the mix! 
  • Lunch was a Mission Wholemeal Wrap spread with Philadelphia Extra Light Spreadable Cream Cheese (about 30g) then topped with 106g of Tasmania Smoked Salmon, strips of carrot, snow pea shoots and cucumber slices.  Each day this week I've asked for and been given 3 slices of smoked salmon, the difference in weights is astounding!  I also had seven little Perino snacking tomatoes and an Afourer mandarin. 
  • Afternoon snack was a nashi late in the work day because I knew I'd be going shopping before going home for exercise and dinner. 
  • Exercise was 42 minutes on the cross-trainer with my Buffy accompaniment.
  • Dinner was a pan-friend lamb leg steak (about 200g raw) with garlic, rosemary and lemon juice served with steamed snow peas, carrot and broccoli and a dab of balsamic glaze.  I didn't eat all the glaze, it was just to spice up the occasional mouthful of steamed veg.
  • Dessert was 20g of Lindt 85% Cocoa dark chocolate.

  I remembered to make my next appointment with the diabetic educator today, due in no small part to the fact that I had an email from her in my inbox this morning.  I must say, her dedication to follow up is nothing short of wonderful.  I've only had one appointment but she's determined to be with me the whole way.  So I'm all set for Monday 17th!
  We are going to discuss my next round of blood tests and my plan going forwards.  At this stage I'm planning the next round of blood tests for the start of October as that will be a full three months since I started all this.  I still need to make the dietitian appointments and one with my regular doctor but one thing at a time!
  Tune in tomorrow, same bat time, same bat channel!
  Jess

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Sept 5 - I'm Doing Well

  This morning I weighed in at 115.4kg bringing the total loss to 11.3kg.  Egads it's coming off quick!  There is something to be said for momentum of course but dear god it's almost frightening at this point.  I'm convinced my scales are just lying to me, lulling me into a false sense of security!  The only thing that convinces me I'm really losing the weight is that my clothes are almost in need of replacement, in fact I am going to buy a new pair of jeans tomorrow and perhaps a dress!  It certainly brings home the reality of what I've been doing to myself all these years.  All the same, I couldn't have done this earlier.
I wasn't ready to do it for me until now.

   I wanted to change breakfast a little bit this morning, you can only take the same thing day in day out for so long.  I still had yoghurt and berries but I used Carmen's Classic Fruit Muesli instead of All-Bran Fibre Toppers (which are not all bran) and I sprinkled some slivered almonds on top too.
  It was a beautiful morning here in Melbourne, I enjoyed the drive to work aka. the only sunshine I get to see each day until the weekend.  I had some nuts on my morning snack break.  Half a dried apricot, two brazil nuts, two pecan nut halves, two hazelnuts and four almonds. 
  On my lunch break today I did a little forward planning shopping.  I bought some lamb leg steak and lean beef mince to cook later in the week.  I think I'll do the lamb with lemon, garlic and rosemary and with the beef mince I'm going to try making a veggie heavy chile con carne to fill up the freezer a bit more.  So far I'm thinking beans, grated carrot, mushrooms, tomato and maybe even grated zucchini!  I also got some new Multix Screwtops for freezing meals in.  I've found them the right size for one-person portions.
  Lunch itself was a Mission Wholemeal Wrap spread with Philadelphia Extra Light Spreadable Cream Cheese (about 30g) then topped with 86g of Tasmania Smoked Salmon, strips of carrot, snow pea shoots and cucumber slices.  I also had seven little Perino snacking tomatoes and an unripeish banana.  Later on my afternoon snacks were a tamarillo and an Afourer mandarin.
  Work was busy today so it passed swiftly.  Things are starting to pile up a bit again, sigh.
   I got on the cross trainer pretty quick after getting home.  I did 42 minutes of Buffy (S3E17) and it was a face-paced episode tonight.  That really helps keep my speed up.  One monster came out of no where in a quiet bit and I nearly jumped off the cross trainer!  Mr Smart and Earnest will both attest that I'm not built for scary movies or scary television!  However they both take extreme pleasure in subjecting me to them!
I think they find it amusing to see me flinch.

  After exercise I zapped my defrosted homemade pumpkin soup in the microwave and cut open my yummy seven seeds and grains roll from Coles and spread it with a little butter.  I watched about ten minutes of a show called "I Will Survive".  Some schmaltzy bloody reality TV competition thing to see which lovely dancing boy ends up on Broadway.  What's wrong with mindless escapism that has a story line?  Even cartoons would be preferable to yet more reality TV.

Oryctolagus Cuniculus
  I wandered into my office after eating and plonked down in front of the computer.  I pulled out my weekly planner and checked off the day's list and there it was.  Taunting me in black and white "You put me on the list, now you have to follow through!  Mwaahahahahaaaa", the only item I hadn't done yet, clean bunny cage.  Now it's not that I don't love GoGo, I do.. I'd just love her so much more if she didn't pee and poop so much.  Nevertheless, rather than shirk the item I got up and did it before starting the blog.
  She seemed appreciative.  Well, she managed a close approximation of what we would interpret as appreciation...  At least she didn't bite me!

   While I wrote the blog today I got messaged by a dietitian friend on facebook.  She told me how much she'd been enjoying the blog and offered me recipes, encouragement and advice.  It was nice to know I was on the right track from a professional!  Which reminds me I should really get around to making my prescribed dietician visits!  I may need to get my management plan updated first though.  And I need to do my follow-up appointment with the diabetic educator too.  Problems for tomorrow!
  Time now for reading in bed while I listen to the wind whip around the house.
  Jess

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Sept 4 - Hello World

  I seem to have grown a small but devoted readership.  This is quite flattering and a little surprising considering it's just me rambling primarily about my gradual reduction in size.  It seems quite self-indulgent really if I let myself think about it too long, though obviously that wasn't the intention.  I started it to keep myself honest and let my friends and family follow me on my journey.
  Anyway, an interesting little feature of the blogging desktop I use is that it allows me to see where my readership is based.  This picture represents my total readership since the beginning of the blog through to just before this entry.
  I expected to see Australia as the top since that's where most of my friends and family are based and to see the US and UK up the top was similarly unsurprising, but Russia stumped me a bit!  So I thought I'd take a little time to say "Hello Friends" to all those countries.
  G'day Mate
  Heya Guys
  Hello Chaps
  Привет друзья
  Grüß dich!
  Bonjour mes amis!
  Hola! ¿Cómo estas?
  你好
  Lovely Day Eh
  안녕하세요
  ہیلو میرے دوست
And obviously, anyone in those countries should feel free to correct my doubtlessly terrible translations!  Particularly the Urdu!

  Today was a pretty good day food and exercise wise: 
  • Breakfast was yoghurt, berries and fibre toppers.
  • Lunch was a Mission Wholemeal Wrap spread with Philadelphia Extra Light Spreadable Cream Cheese (about 35g) then topped with 64g of Tasmania Smoked Salmon, strips of carrot, snow pea shoots and cucumber slices.  It was delicious!  Also, I discovered it is way cheaper to buy smoked salmon from the supermarket deli than in the vacuum packs.  The little 50g and 100g packets are anywhere between $50 - $75 per kilogram whereas in the deli it was only $37 per kilogram and that wasn't even on special!  On the other hand, I found a big ole fish bone! I also had eight little Perino snacking tomatoes.
  • For my afternoon snacks I had an unripish banana, a tamarillo and an Afourer mandarin (not all at the same time).  I knew I was going to eat dinner late so I spread them out across the afternoon.
  • Exercise was 42 minutes of Buffytastic action (S3E16) on the cross trainer.
  • Dinner was homemade bolognese on 45g dry weight of wholemeal spiral pasta with a sprinkling of Mainland Finely Shredded Light Tasty cheese mixed through.  I'm pleased to say that I think 45g dry weight of pasta is about right so I can stop fiddling with the quantity now!

  Straight after work today I went upstairs to meet Captain Cupcake for a movie.  Hoyts Forest Hill were reshowing Finding Nemo in 3D.  It was really fun and I'd never seen it on the big screen before.  I'm not generally a big fan of 3D in movies as I don't think any amount of flashiness makes up for a poor story, but given that Finding Nemo is a great story, it certainly didn't detract from the film.
  It was tempting not to exercise tonight.  The movie saw me getting home just before 9pm, the time I'd usually start the blog entry, but Captain Cupcake had reminded me that if I didn't exercise I'd only have to admit it.  So I got home, got changed and flicked on Buffy.  I didn't eat dinner until 10pm!  Good thing I'm not too tired because that means I can't take my blood sugar reading until midnight.  My book will get a work out before bed!
  Jess

  Ni-night
  Happy trails
  Good night chums
  Спокойной ночи
  Gute nacht
  Bonne nuit
  Buenos noches
  晚安
  Sweet dreams
  잘자
شب بخیر  

Monday, September 3, 2012

Sept 3 - In Which I Am Easily Persuaded

   I knew that I would have a little extra time up my sleeve this morning, and not so much in the evening, so I got on the cross trainer first thing.  I wonder how much longer I'll be able to indulge in early morning or late night Buffy.  I can't imagine there will be a long settlement.
  After exercise I ate my yoghurt berries and fibre toppers while I cooled down and watched the weather on Channel Ten's Breakfast.  I honestly don't know why I keep the TV on that, the male host Paul Henry is utterly unlikeable.  His female counterpart often has trouble disguising her complete disgust with him.
   I had a break from routine today, a training session to attend at Northland Shopping Centre.
It was on a subject I'm not keen on, and it certainly didn't change my feelings about it, but I did at least come away feeling slightly better equipped to deal with it in future.
  They had all kinds of snacks for morning tea including cookies, muffins and cakes, but I limited myself to a baby cheese scone with a teensy scrape of butter on each half.
   Lunch was also provided in the course.  Pictured are a ham mountain bread pinwheel sandwich thing and a salami one and two cherry tomatoes for scale (and because I ate them too).  As you can see, they were tiny little things, so not pictured are the other five pieces I had (one more ham, two more salami and two chicken) and also one more itty bitty cheese scone with butter and four more cherry tomatoes.  I was still a bit peckish after that but I put that down to boredom.
  I was sitting next to my counterpart from another centre and she mentioned she was having an issue with something I'm quite good at so I invited her to come and visit me at my centre to go through it together.  I like these training sessions in that way.  They allow all of us Office Admins to network and help each other.
  Because Northland is over Mr Smart's side of town, after the training session I headed over to his place for dinner.  I had intended to buy something helping like lamb steaks and salad to cook there but after standing dumbstruck in the Woolworths and the two butchers unable to choose anything (even with Mr Smart's helpful texted suggestion of 'Dodo Steaks') I decided just to head over and decide later.
  In hindsight, maybe buying dinner on my way would have been the smarter choice but I wasn't unhappy with the final outcome.  I was quite easily persuaded that I didn't want to cook and in fact that I might quite fancy an Indian takeaway.  We couldn't find the menu anywhere so we walked up to the local place and sat on the comfy couch in their lobby, chose, ordered, waited, collected and walked back again.
  Pictured is my Pudina Paratha (minted wholemeal flatbread from the tandoor), Lamb Sabzi which contained a good balance of lamb and vegetables, Beef Korma and Chicken Maharaja which was lovely, a bit like Butter Chicken crossed with Chicken Korma but almonds instead of cashews and dressed with homemade paneer. 
All this with lovely Jeera Rice which is Basmati rice cooked with cumin seeds and curry leaves, fragrant and scrumptious.  I had the pictured serve less a quarter of the Paratha and another smaller serve after that.
  After that lovely meal, Mr Smart and I finished watching The Cabin In The Woods which we had started the weekend before the one just gone.  Sometimes I suspect that Joss Whedon indulges in just a touch too much bud.  I still flinched at all the scary bits.  I'm not built for scary movies!  I don't think I'll have nightmares from this one though, it didn't take itself that seriously in the end.
  I headed home not too long after the movie to make ready for tomorrow.  I've remembered to defrost more berries, I've even written my shopping list for the rest of the week's lunches.  The weekly planner isn't finished yet, but I've at least done a couple of days ahead.  Hopefully by Wednesday night I'll have some time to devote to it and maybe get a head start on the next week after that!
  Jess

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Sept 2 - Happy Father's Day!

  I would like to dedicate today's blog to one of my heroes, my Dad.  Happy Father's Day to him and to all the other wonderful and loving father's in the world, including my grandfather, my brother, my brother-in-law and my best friend.  It's not an easy job being a role model and you all have different ways of going about it, but you love your kids, you give them your support and you make sure they know they are important to you.
  My Dad lives interstate so unfortunately I couldn't be there to make him a special breakfast but I'll do it next time we're together again!  However, I was proximate today to one father in the extended family, my brother-in-law Tricky.  He was keen to join Bertie, my nephew and me for a day's Mali hunting including a trip to the Queen Vic Market.
To see all ten Malis found today, click here and look for the September 2 heading.
  Tricky has been working nights so we waited until everyone else was up and breakfasting before we thought about waking him.  Bertie was making pancakes but I declined in favour of toast.  I had four slices of toast made with Helga's Pumpkin Five Seed bread.  Two slices were spread with Yumi Hummus and two slices were spread with Nutella.
  After we all had breakfast, my nephew presented Tricky with his Father's Day present.  It was a card that he had made at daycare and a hilarious 'all about my dad' sheet which included things like 'My Dad is 3' and 'My dad's favourite food is noodles'.  The whole thing was very sweet and funny.
  That done we headed off to the city starting at the Queen Vic Market.  Right off the bat we found two of our ten elephants for the day!  We entered the market in search of caffeine and a type of four-part lacquer art.  Tricky used to have one like this which got damaged in a house move and he was investigating what might be involved in sourcing a suitable replacement.
  We meandered around the market for a little while, spotting two more Mali's along the way and then proceeded down Elizabeth Street and up Latrobe to Melbourne Central.
  There was an unfortunate sight at the base of the Shot Tower.  Our third Mali for the day, Mali's Winter Wonderland by Pat Minahan had suffered some vandalism.  This statue, sponsored by Buller Ski Lifts, was dressed with a blue fur fringed hat, a stripey blue trunk warmer and it was quite evident that the matching scarf had been ripped from it.
  On my Mali pictures for the day, I've included an insert photo of Pat Minahan and the undamaged statue from Pat's blog.  It wasn't the only statue we saw that had suffered deliberate damage, several others had names scratched into their paintwork, but it was certainly the worst.  I don't want to go on about it but it made me really quite cross that some jerk-wads out there think it's their right to mess up other people's stuff.  It's not fair, it's not meaningful and it's not attractive!  It's just spiteful.
  We stopped for lunch at the Melbourne Central food court and I had a Burger Edge 'The Original Edge' burger which is a lean beef pattie, lettuce, tomato, onion, tomato relish and aioli and I also added a slice of cheese.  I chose to have it on a wholemeal roll accompanied only by a bottle of water.  I avoided ordering chips and I also avoided eating any of my nephews leftover chips!  It was a rather nice burger and it was certainly filling enough.  In fact it kept me from snacking later!
  After lunch we continued on up Latrobe Street and down Exhibition Street to the Marriott Hotel where our eighth Mali stood, then down to Chinatown in Little Bourke Street for our ninth, quite an amazing construction that one!  Then we walked all the way down to the Bourke Street Mall for our final Mali for the day.
  It was quite a big walk for my nephew so luckily Bertie had thought to bring his scooter.  He's only three so he can't really work a scooter by himself, so he stands on it and Bertie steers and pushes him along.  It looks a little awkward but she assures me it's a hell of a lot easier than carrying him!  Once we finished our hunt, we decided that I would take my nephew back to the playground in Flagstaff Gardens via tram, and Bertie and Tricky would walk back together and meet us there.
  It was a very short tram ride, only 5 or so stops, but my nephew is a big fan of public transport and loves getting to press the button for our stop.  He did need carrying from the near tram stop to the playground but fortunately I can cope with him sitting on my shoulders for a little while.  He had a lovely time going down the slippery dip and playing on a digger in the sandpit.  When Bertie and Tricky arrived, we all headed home.
  I was as exhausted as everyone else by the time we got back to their house.  I lay down in the spare room for a second and promptly conked out for an hour.  I felt much better after my little Sunday nanna nap though, and was able to head home.  I got home, brought in my dry laundry and put another load on then sat down at my computer to process photos, write my blog and plan for the week ahead.
  About 8pm I realised I hadn't eaten dinner yet and so, having not planned anything for this night, I grabbed a Lean Cuisine Balanced  Serve Honey Soy Beef with wholemeal noodles from the freezer and zapped it in the microwave.  I also had 20g of Lindt 85% Cocoa dark chocolate for dessert.  Luckily, remembering to eat also meant I remembered to hang on the wet load of laundry!
  I hope you all enjoy the Mali photos from today.  It's certainly been a lot of fun (and exercise) finding them all.  Only ten to go now!  I shall sign off for now and commence my week's planning and getting ready for work tomorrow.  A change of scenery for me, I'm off to Northland for the day to participate in a hopefully very useful training course.
  Jess

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Sept 1 - Spring Is Sprung


          The spring is sprung, the sun is ris',
          I wonder where the birdies is.
          Some say the bird is on the wing,
          but that is quite absurd,
          for I have seen it for myself,
          the wing is on the bird.

  A short poem, often attributed to Ogden Nash but I haven't been able to verify this for certain.  Also there appears to be multiple variations on the wording, but this is one my dad always used to recite in a deliberately daft accent.  Authorship aside, it was a beautiful spring day today.  The sun was shining, the birds were indeed chirping and cawing and my apple tree is blossoming.
  I didn't really discover all this until the early afternoon.  I slept in, I got up and mucked about on the computer and went back to bed for a while.  I called Teddy in Boston again, he's moving house tomorrow and is dealing with a whole heap of change in his own life so it was the last chance we'll get for a while.  I finally got out of bed proper at about 1pm.
  I felt a bit peckish by this time so I made myself a late brunch of scrambled egg whites on a hummus lined wholemeal wrap, breakfast burrito style!  I was thinking it would taste weird without the egg yolks (used in the Chocolate & Pretzel Slice) but the hummus brightened it up nicely. 
It still tasted suitably eggy and the wholemeal wrap withstood the moisture content without disintegrating.
  After eating there was just time to do a load of laundry (good thing too, I was running damn low on work clothes) before heading down to Bertie's place.  I took her some chocolately delicousness ensuring there was none left in my house to tempt me.  I didn't really feel like any today though, my blood sugar last night was pretty darn high (10.1) what with the two big bad meals and it was only just down to 6.0 by the time I woke up this morning.  I think that's contributed to my general lethargy today.
  Bertie's husband is working nights at the moment and she had a work function tonight that she couldn't get out of so I came down to babysit.  My nephew and I watched the latter half of Wall-E (he was already watching it when I arrived) then he showed me how high he could jump on his trampoline.  Also how fast he could 'bounce run' and how high he could somersault.  There were also pewpew noises as he shot lasers at the imaginary monsters that he was chasing.
  Next I put on Toy Story 3 and ate my homemade pumpkin soup with a lovely seedy bread roll spread with Lite Olive Grove spread while my nephew played with his Toy Story 3 toys and watched it.  About halfway through I noticed his freshly washed Thomas the Tank Engine fleecy blanket.  With that I was able to convince him to get on the recliner for the remainder of the movie.
  My nephew was looking pretty drowsy by the end of the movie but he was still alert enough to ask "Can I watch McQueen now?" so on went Cars 2.
I let his cat Bender in and turned off any lights we didn't need on (almost all of them but I needed one to type by).  Twenty minutes later, he was conked out clutching his water bottle and Bender had curled herself up by his side.
  I waited until the end of Cars 2 to carry him through to bed to make sure he was well and truly asleep and then I put on Antz.  Not out of any particular desire to watch it, though I quite enjoy it as an animated film, but rather tonight to fill in the silence.  Sometimes silence bugs me and tonight is one of those nights.  I might do some laundry folding or DVD sorting for Bertie while I wait for her to get home before going to bed.  I'm staying the night tonight so that she and my nephew and I can all go Mali hunting tomorrow morning!  I'm looking forward to finding the next ten!
  I didn't exercise today, but I didn't really eat much either, my blood sugar was back down to 6.5 after my soup so I'm happy to call it a win for today.  I am now typing with a large fluffy cat on my arms, occassionally biting my left wrist. Apparently Bender is not a big fan of my removing her tiny human hot water bottle.  Maybe I'd better get her a snack...
  Jess