July 30 - Overwhelmed But Breathing

  Work today was overwhelming.  It wasn't a particularly bad day when I try to look at it objectively, it was just one of those days I seem to be drowning in paperwork that never ends.  Things got done, but not things I wanted to get done.  My Mum came to have lunch with me and say goodbye so I must apologise if I seemed distracted.  I was.  By the end of the day I felt exhausted, disheartened, constricted and on the verge of tears.
  The first real moment of comfort came from the CD/MP3 player in my car on the way home.  It was in the form of the repetitive playing of Breathe.  It's the kind of song you expect to hear as the soundtrack to a slow-motion London criminal shoot out.  It's hardly a relaxing piece of music but there is something soothing in the constant throbbing hum of the bass line and as the hardly-dulcet tones of Maxim Reality and the grating nasal whine of Keith Flint filled the space I did indeed begin to breathe.

  Home is a little overwhelming at the moment too.  There is so much to be done that my brain has a tendency to just ignore it and do nothing.  I can list a hundred things that need doing but simply by virtue of volume of choice, I seem incapable of picking one thing to start on.  Some days I feel like I can handle anything the world throws at me.
This was not one of those days.

  Breakfast: Yoghurt, berries and fibre toppers.

  Lunch: A Subway six-inch, wholegrain bread toasted ham & turkey sub sandwich with old English cheese, lettuce, tomato, pickles and one squirt of honey mustard sauce (normally they put three lines of sauce).
  According to the Subway Interactive Menu my sub was approximately 1430kj or 342 calories, not too bad really.
  Mum said she was glad I was having a six-inch sub and that my Dad would see that it was a good and satisfying choice that he too was capable of.  It was indeed an enjoyable and relatively satisfying meal so it is for his amusement that I confess, I really wanted a foot-long meatball sub (but for comparison, that would've been 2290kj or 547 calories).
  Afternoon Snack: One dried apricot half, two brazil nuts, two hazelnuts, two pecan halves and four almonds.  It's a good thing I portioned these; they are quite moreish.

  Dinner: Lean Cuisine Creamy Salmon & Dill Pasta.  It was cold today, I was feeling in need of instant comfort and this is my favourite instant meal.  Despite the fact that it looks very little like its advertised picture, it still tastes good.  It is creamy, it does contain plump pink lumps of salmon throughout and the flavour of the dill has not been lost to the freezing and microwaving process.
  Dessert: A passionfruit and thirteen pecan halves.  It was that or a Magnum ice-cream!

  It's now just passed 10:00pm and there is a creaky cross-trainer with my name on it.
I regret not exercising earlier, but I just wasn't up to it when I arrived home.
Hopefully tomorrow will be a sunnier day, in weather and in disposition!
  Jess

July 29 - Meet The Parents

  This morning Mr Smart and I went out for breakfast with my parents.  We went to The Arena at The Glen.  I pored over the menu remembering the night before.  I declined juice or a milkshake, I declined 'The Big Breakfast', I even passed on the delicious Eggs Benedict with its creamy hollondaise sauce.  I settled on two scrambled eggs, wilted spinach, bacon and dark rye toast, lightly buttered.  I only ate half of the toast.
  After breakfast Dad left us to return to work and Mum, Mr Smart and I went on to do a spot more furniture perusing at Super AMart.  After much testing and retesting and dithering and endless patience on the part of Mr Smart, I ended up making a purchase.  I bought a 3-seater couch with chaise lounge, a tub chair, two small ottoman cubes and a new mattress for my bed all to be delivered on my next scheduled day off.
  As a result of that purchase the remainder of my week will largely be trying to clean out the rooms affected to leave enough space for the incoming goods.  Maybe I will do some before and after photos!
  One home Mum and Mr Smart had a tea and coffee respectively and we all had a bit of a sit.  Mr Smart suggested watching The Prestige but regrettably that didn't work out again due to timing.  It will have to be the very first movie I watch on my new couch!
  Mr Smart and I left to return him home and decided on the way that lunch was in order.  We decided Salsa's would be nice which led to a mix up due to the very nature of geographical familiarity.  I turned into The Glen as we passed as that is the closest Salsa's to me, whereas Mr Smart had been thinking of Northland as that is the closest Salsa's to him.  We continued on to the Northland Salsa's as then we could take our purchases to eat at Mr Smart's.
  Northland parking was bedlam!  We ended up being near the food court but on the third level of the car park, and I was cajoled into agreeing to take the stairs.  Two flights down, two burritos purchased and two flights up, we continued on to Mr Smart's.

  Salsa's describes my burrito as "Texan beef, coriander & lime rice, salsa fresca, cheese, ranch sauce and lettuce"  This Salsa's franchise gave you a choice of a plain or wholemeal wrap too so we both opted for wholemeal.
  A Salsa's burrito is a damned heavy object and is probably the worst choice I've made all weekend.  I still enjoyed it, but I recognise that another Baja Steak Bowl would probably have been the better choice nutritionally.

  Things were back to normal for dinner though. 
A portion of chicken breast with no skin on and a healthy portion of green salad, a smaller of potato salad and pesto chicken pasta salad.
  Bertie and my nephew joined me, Mum and Dad for dinner too and afterwards, Toy Story 3 and loads of Lego play were had.  I had a hankering for something sweet so I've just destroyed that desire with 10g of Lindt 85% Cocoa dark chocolate.
  It's been a big weekend and I have certainly faced some food challenges but I still feel I actively made choices that were, if not good for me, at least better for me than I would've made in the past. 
I'm still learning and assessing my choices and I'm lucky to have a fantastic support crew with me for this journey.  I'm glad I went out and enjoyed myself this weekend, but I'm equally glad that I feel I won't have trouble getting back on track!
  Jess

July 28 - Dinner at Squire's Loft

  Last night was a birthday dinner for one of Mr Smart's close friends at Squire's Loft in Albert Park.  It was a fun and rambunctious evening, much wine was drunk (though not by me), and much food consumed (I'll admit I helped there).
  I found the place ok having checked it out earlier on google maps.  I can't be the only one who "drives there" first on google maps to get the landmarks memorised.  I managed a quite brilliant parallel park and teetered over to the restaurant on my tiny kitten heels.  Yes, even kitten heels make me teeter.  That's what happens when you put 121.7kg on to heels when it is used to the comfort and solidity of Blundstones.
  Mr Smart and some other friends were already seated so I joined them.  We were on a long thin table and all seated on the same side which made conversation a little tricky at first, but it wasn't long until others arrived and sat opposite me.  They were a very friendly bunch of people so even being the newbie of the group I didn't feel left out for a moment as one might fear.
  On to dinner!  It was delicious!

  From the left we have a serve of chargrilled vegetables (pumpkin, mushrooms, zucchini and capsicum), a side salad with a light dressing, 250g of pork ribs, creamy garlic sauce and about 400g of beef ribs.  Mr Smart ordered the beef ribs with black pepper sauce (not pictured) and chargrilled veg and I ordered the pork ribs and the salad and we agreed to split the lot so we got a bigger variety.  I ate all of the meat pictured (though bear in mind what you can see of the pork ribs is literally half bone) and half of all the veggies.
  And dessert, for it wouldn't be a birthday without one:

  That is gluten and dairy free orange cake and a cup of black tea.  Mrs Birthday Boy is going to send me the recipe but from memory it is 3 oranges, 350g sugar, 3 eggs and I can't remember how much almond meal.  The recipe makes 24 pieces that size.
  A big thank you to Mr and Mrs Birthday Boy for inviting me and including me in the celebration.  I had a wonderful night and I hope you did too.  Happy Birthday!

July 28 - Shopping Expedition

  The day started off a bit earlier than my usual Saturdays.  The clunk of Dad shutting the front door on his way to work brought me out of deep sleep and though I tried to return,
I managed only a small while longer.  Breakfast was yoghurt, berries and fibre toppers.
I was tempted to cook an egg but I know I am going out for dinner tonight and breakfast tomorrow so I restrained the urge.

  Once Mum woke up I got on the cross trainer and did my forty minutes.  It felt good again after having the last two days off.  With that done, I cleaned the rabbit cage and clipped her nails with Mum's assistance.  Had I mentioned the bunny before?  Her name is GoGo and she's a grumpy old sweet little thing.  A white Netherlands dwarf rabbit with pink eyes and a twitchy nose.
  After I'd showered and eaten a nut snack pack to keep me going we headed off for the Snowgum Outlet at the corner of Dandenong Road and Blackburn Road.  We browsed, we tried things on.  I tried two black dresses, both of which made me look like a roly-poly sack of potatoes.  In the end Mum bought nothing and I bought a bright blue long-sleeve top and a bright green short-sleeve polo.
  Next we nipped around to Super AMart to ogle the furniture.  I showed Mum the Monza couch I was thinking of, but it's still not quite right.  So we wandered around testing sofas and dining tables and arm chairs and mattresses and avoiding the attentions of the various corporate seagulls vying for our potential custom.  That's a touch mean perhaps, I've found the staff there really helpful and pleasant thus far, but there was an air of hunger today.
  Just as we were leaving I spotted the Nix Small Corner Suite.  It's shaped like the Monza but a bit deeper and a bit wider!  I may have to return tomorrow to place an order for that and a new mattress!  Then I just have to decide which room it will live in...
I sense some changes in store for my house!

  It was nearly 2pm by this time so we were both a bit peckish.  We drove up to The Glen and Mum bought us lunch in the food court.  The Glen has a Salsa's now!  I had a Baja Steak Bowl which normally has grilled steak, onion and capsicum, coriander and lime rice, salsa fresca, sour cream, southwest sauce and lettuce.  I declined the offer of guacamole as an extra and I even said "and no sour cream, thanks"!
  With tummies happy, we went on to Autograph so I could get some nice new dress jeans.  Mum saw some nice looking leggings as we went in and I was able to remark with a smirk "Sorry Mum, they don't come in your size."  It's not obvious since they changed their name but the stores used to be called after the sizes they stocked, 16-26.
  I tried on the new Easy Fit Bootleg Jeans in short length (Yes!! Short leg lengths people!) and decided the size 22 was still the right choice for now.  I could get into the 20 but sitting down would've been uncomfortable.  I got a pair in dark blue denim and a pair in black.  I'm going to wear the black ones and a pretty top for dinner tonight.
  Tonight is a birthday dinner for a close friend of Mr Smart's so we are all off to Squire's Loft for dinner.  Now, I'm not about to sit at a steakhouse and say 'I'll just have a salad'.  I can't think of anything more dreadful.  I might eat ribs, I might have potato, I will most likely have salad too.  What I am going to do is enjoy myself and stop when I am full.
  That's it for today, I'm not hopping on again at midnight to tell you how dinner went, you'll just have to tune in again tomorrow!
  Jess

Me Looking All Pretty For Dinner

July 27 - Family Pizza Night

  It's already just gone midnight here so this will be a quick entry, tomorrow's will be late too as I'm going out to dinner with Mr Smart & Co.
 Breakfast was yoghurt, berries and fibre toppers.  I used the last of the yoghurt this morning and actually remembered to buy a new pot today when I left work!  Woohoo for my memory working for me instead of against me.  My morning snack was half a dried apricot.

  Lunch was a toasted sandwich of two slices of Bürgen Soy-Lin bread, a little smear of Rosella Reduced-Joule Fruit Chutney, about 85g of shaved silverside and one slice of Bega Extra Light Tasty cheese.  My lunch time fruit was a granny smith apple, cored and cut into eight pieces.  I like the way they look like rays of light emanating from my sandwich.
  My afternoon snack was 10 assorted unsalted nuts and a panama passionfruit.  I knew dinner would be a little later than normal so I tried to bulk up my afternoon snack a bit.
  Dinner was a tradition dating back to my childhood, family pizza night.  For as long as I can remember, Dad would make the dough from scratch, rise it, knead it, roll it, and spend an entire evening making many pizzas.  As we got older the tradition evolved into adding your own toppings to your own customized pizza and now we make customized pizzas but share with everyone else.  In that capacity, I felt a little left out (though not through any deliberate intention on my family's part).
  Here is my effort for the night, before cooking and after:

  It has a wholemeal Khobz wrap base and Dolmio Classic Tomato Salt-Reduced Pasta Sauce, fresh mushrooms, red and yellow capsicum, sliced kalamata olives, shredded ham, four thin slices of Don Mild Salami and light mozzarella cheese.  Oh, and one anchovy, which Mr Smart insisted on via text message.  I also had a few small bits of barbecue chicken and a Bundaberg Diet Ginger Beer while it was cooking to stave off the tummy grumbles.
  Ok, the feeling a little left out thing, I couldn't share with anyone else.  By the time we got to Bertie's place it was already 7:30pm and the last thing I eat before dinner is usually around 3:00pm.  I was ravenous.  My Dad making dough takes a while and my base was of course pre-made so my pizza could be assembled immediately, which also kept the oven use spaced out.  So I did.  I made my pizza and cooked it all while Dad made the dough.  By the time I was eating my pizza everyone else was only just assembling theirs.  I also couldn't share because I was deliberately avoiding the thicker doughy base, the abundance of salami and cheese, salty preserved champignons and sweet tinned pineapple that I loved so much.

  One way in which I felt very included though was that Bertie, knowing I was being good, had not opted to get high-fat nibbles like brie and crackers and had made a big fruit platter for dessert rather than baked goodies.  My dessert portion of that platter was a tamarillo, six green grapes and six cherries.  She thinks I'm insane enjoying tamarillos, and I'll grant that they are somewhat an acquired taste.  They are exceptionally tart.
  I didn't get to my cross trainer again today, there was insufficient time between getting home from worked and being whisked off to Bertie's by Mum and Dad.  I will definitely be getting on it tomorrow though so that I don't feel awful for indulging tomorrow night.  I keep thinking 'I could just have the salmon steak' but I can't help but think I might be tempted by the ribs instead.  Everything in moderation I suppose.
  Until tomorrow, although technically it already is tomorrow!
  Jess

July 26 - Call Me Irresponsible

  It's 11:00pm as I begin my blog for today.  Normally it's done by now and I'm heading for bed.  Normally I've done my exercise.  Normally I'm avoiding delicious fatty chicken skin.  But today was a little different.  Not too different, just a little.
  Breakfast was the normal yoghurt, berries and fibre toppers and I've remembered to get tomorrow's berries out of the freezer and into the fridge.  I was pleasantly surprised to find myself running a little ahead of time this morning so I emptied the rubbish and recycling and pulled the bins to the curb knowing I'd be home late tonight.  This is a bonus as I often forget bin night.
  I went to the Priceline Pharmacy today and got my paperwork sorted out and got a new batch of test strips for my blood glucose meter.  I interviewed one applicant for my right-hand gal's maternity leave and then had lunch.

  Lunch was a toasted sandwich of two slices of Bürgen Soy-Lin bread, a little smear of Masterfoods Corn Relish, about 85g of shaved silverside and one slice of Bega Extra Light Tasty cheese.  My lunch time fruit was a golden delicious apple, cored and cut into eight pieces.  I don't know why but I don't like whole apples nearly so much.
  Because I'd got a new set of test strips I decided to check my blood glucose levels after lunch too for the rest of the week.  It was fine today.  I'm not going to put the figures in every day but I'll publish a little table of results at the end of the week for my diabetic educator at any rate.  After I had that check out of the way I had an Afourer Mandarin for my afternoon snack.
  I did a second interview late in the afternoon then headed to the shops to get wraps, a barbecue chook and salady things for dinner for Mr Smart and me.  Yes folks, I forsook exercise and put off blog writing just so I could spend time with Mr Smart.  So you can call me irresponsible if you like, but you won't catch me regretting it for an instant.

  I used the Wattle Valley Wholegrain Soft Wraps which were tasty but a little on the small side.  It was quite difficult to encapsulate the filling wholly at times, though one could say that had more to do with the quantity of filling!  My first one had cos lettuce, coleslaw, half a chicken breast with skin on and cucumber slices.  I also won't deny, I did munch on a little extra skin as I made the wraps.

  My second wrap was going to be about the same but with the other half of the chicken breast however... I made the mistake of asking Mr Smart if he'd like a little stuffing with his next one and was informed that no, he wasn't very fond of stuffing.  My brain had a little fritz moment at the realisation that Oh. My. God. All that stuffing and no one else wants any!?!  Apparently my brain could not comprehend such luck, so my second wrap was essentially the same... honestly....

  Fortunately I was restrained when it came to dessert.  I only had six longan.  I know there are eight in the picture but I only ate most of them.
  After dinner we watched a great movie,
Pete Smalls Is Dead.  Brilliant, and I'd recommend it to anyone even vaguely interested in quality films.  It also had a really cool soundtrack.
  Mr Smart evilly tried to tempt me to stay on for a second film, The Prestige, and if tomorrow was my day off I do believe he'd have succeeded.
  So as I sign off today it is 11:40pm and I think this is the fastest I've written my blog yet!
 (So a certain Granny may have to forgive any errant errors she spots.)
  Farewell for now,
  Jess

PS: Started my new book last night, Religion for Atheists by Alain de Botton.

July 25 - Whole Lot Of Broccoli

  I am looking forward to bed tonight.  I think it may have something to do with the fact that I stayed up until 1am last night to finish my book, We Need To Talk About Kevin.  It's fair to say that some of the thoughts provoked by it were keeping me up later and later so I was keen to get it finished and move on.  It certainly made me think a lot and I found it to be interesting and well-written.
  For breakfast I had two slices of Bürgen Soy-Lin bread toasted with butter and Vegemite because I forgot to defrost my berries again last night!  Mr Smart will no doubt be shaking his head and wondering why I haven't yet cottoned on to the fact that my phone is capable of issuing forth reminders at the appropriate time.  I am aware it can of course.. I'm just not there yet!
  My mid-morning snack at work was a panama passionfruit slurped up in the kitchen.  I noted that the seeds loosen the riper they are.

  Lunch was a toasted sandwich comprising two slices of Bürgen Soy-Lin bread, a little smear of Rosella Sweet Mustard Pickles, about 85g of shaved silverside and one slice of Bega Extra Light Tasty cheese.  I rounded it off with an Afourer Mandarin.  It was a good mandarin; seedless, sweet enough and easy to peel.
  My after noon snack was one of the snack packs I made up last night.  That is, one dried apricot half, two brazil nuts, two hazelnuts, two pecan halves and four almonds.  All of those nuts are skin on, non-salted and the dried apricots are the aussie-grown Angus Park ones.  I tried to space them out to stay full longer.

  I luckily remembered to visit the doctor on the way home from work.  Though perhaps not luckily for her.  They had computer problems at their office today and I imagine it must've been quite a long and frustrating day for her.  She did very well to be running only 15 minutes by that time of evening.  Though I think I may have mentioned before, I never mind waiting for my doctor because at least she treats you properly and with care and close attention.  The test I dropped to Dorevitch yesterday morning showed that my kidney function is fine and she re-took my blood pressure which today was a much more reasonable 130/95, still a little high on the diastolic but I'll get it down eventually!
  I got home and there was a surprise in the letterbox for me!  A CD I had ordered and forgotten about, Old Crow Medicine Show.  They are quite popular at the moment and I can't remember where I heard it, but I came across their song Wagon Wheel which was what made me order it.  The whole album is quite blue-grassy so Dad and I enjoyed it while I chopped up a kilogram of broccoli!
  By the time Dad got here after he'd finished work, I had finished the cross trainer and was about to start on the broccoli soup preparation!  A kilogram of broccoli, as called for by the recipe, is about five heads (or at least five of what pass for heads in the supermarket these days).  I used my Borner V-Slicer to do the stalks but the florets still needed a rough chop by hand.  I think I will need to give in and get a proper mandoline at some point.  My point is though, a kilogram of broccoli is rather a large pile before it becomes soup!  The soup was done in about an hour and made four generous serves.

  While we ate our soup and lightly buttered rolls Dad and I watched the first episode of a 3-part BBC series called Harlots, Housewives & Heroines.  The first episodes focussed on the mistresses of Charles II in the 1660s.  It was quite interesting and a bit tongue in cheek in spots too! 
  After dinner I went through my mental diary for the next few days and realised I would have no time for eating the 'spare' two serves until Monday so I therefore put them in the freezer.
We shall see if they return to the light of day in the coming weeks!
  Until tomorrow!
  Jess