Oct 6 - Art, Life and Loss

  I was woken at some time during the night by a persistent miaoing at the door of Mr Smart's room.  It was Pizza Cat demanding that we let her in.  'You foul usurper," she cried, "get out of my bed!"  Her yowling was ignored and eventually subsided.  In the morning she was all smiles and cuddles and did not complain too much when picked up for pats while I drank my enormous coffee.  Mr Smart only told me it was a double-shot after I'd drunk it all!  Pizza Cat continued to purr about while I finished off yesterday's blog.    After I posted yesterday's entry, I had a shower and set about making breakfast for Mr Smart, Mr Smart Snr and myself.

  Last night on our way home we had been feeling a bit peckish and went to Woolworths to search for Kefalograviera to make Saganaki for a late night snack.  In the end we concluded that they must not stock it so we purchased a piece of Halloumi cheese instead.  By the time we got home at 11pm, the idea of cooking it up seemed a little less appealing so we put it in the fridge to have with breakfast.  I cooked up that, some shortcut bacon and some eggs and we enjoyed a fry up brekkie.
  For once I managed to coordinate all the items to be ready at the same time.  The eggs got a teensy bit mangled because I suck at flipping them but it all tasted good.  Mr Smart decided he liked Halloumi, but still preferred Saganaki.  After breakfast Mr Smart got started on some work he needed to finish and I set about doing a chapter or so of proof-reading on a novel draft (not mine, looking at it for a friend).  Proof-reading is very slow going as you almost need to read each word aloud.  I was quite pleased that I was able to finish a chapter and get a few pages into the next one before Mr Smart finished his tasks.

  Once he was finished we donned jackets, as it was raining, and walked to the train station.  A short but pleasant train ride later we found ourselves at Flinders Street Station.  We meandered about, trying to decide if we wanted lunch or not.  As I've mentioned before, this kind of decision tends to take a lot of time for the two of us.  Eventually we settled on a burger at Grill'd in Degraves Street, a little iconic Melbourne laneway.  I had the Baa Baa Burger and Mr Smart had the Crispy Bacon & Cheese Burger.  For once, I have hit upon a place who's food Mr Smart instantly liked!  We debated the possibility of waffles across the lane for afters, but decided to head to the NGV instead.

  During the week we had booked in for the Napoleon 'Revolution to Empire' exhibition which closes tomorrow.  The flow in the exhibition was at times grating; seemingly short-sighted people simply jumped in front of whatever you were reading in order to see better themselves and the exhibition was filled with rooms which gave no indication as to the direction in which you should follow them around.  In general though, the exhibition was crowded but moving, interesting and contained some amazing items.  There was a lot of art obviously, but also many historical artifacts.  It was astounding what had been preserved.  We saw one of Napoleon's actual hats; the famous dark felt bicorn with a tri-coloured cockade pinned to the left of its front.
  There were many other items:  A lock of Louis XVI's hair wrapped in notepaper in a presentation box, given to Marie Antoinette as he went to his demise on the guillotine, an exquisite gold and blue Egyptian inspired tea set, uniforms, weaponry, jewellery, furniture, books, sheet music, recorded music from the Coronation of Napoleon as Emperor, and a startling portrait of Joseph Cange, clerk of the Saint-Lazare Prison in Paris.

  About two thirds of the way through the exhibition I was stopped at a series of nicely illuminated plates when my phone rang.  It was around 4pm, and it was my mother calling to let me know that my Granny had passed away at lunch time.  I cried a little, sad but relieved that her recent turmoil was now at an end.  I have written a separate blog entry in memory of her.  By this time, Mr Smart was some way ahead of me in the exhibition so I moved on slowly, still taking the time to view each art and artifacts before me.  I would catch up to him when I caught up to him.

  One item caught me by surprise.  It was quite ornate which is not usually to my taste, but for whatever reason I found it appealing, and in my current state, somehow comforting too.  It is a clock called L'Amour conduit par la Fidélité,: The chariot of love, led by fidelity.  I caught Mr Smart up in the NGV Gift Shop and gave him the news.  He immediately wrapped his arms around me and allowed me the time to have a cry.

  We walked back to the city very slowly.  My mind was a blur thinking about Granny, my family, how to get over for the funeral and a million other thoughts.  I was distracted to say the least and very grateful Mr Smart was there to shepherd me.  We walked into Flinders Street Station and then out again when we remembered we were planning to catch the tram home instead.  We took our time, slowly taking the scenic route to Bourke Street.
  Up Degraves Street, through Centre Place, across Collins Street and left a bit to be sure of going through the Block Arcade.  We did stop at Haighs in the Block Arcade and I definitely gave it a good looking over.  It was only when a friendly shop assistant offered me a free sample that I imagine the chocolate in my mouth.  The thought made me feel queasy so we continued on unchocolated.  Further on up Block Place and into the Royal Arcade, a brief stop to view the wooden forms of Gog and Magog and a quick look in at the Babushka shop and the boardgames shop then out into the Bourke Street Mall.  The tram was along in less than three minutes.
  I think Mr Smart must have realised that I needed a little more distraction and so he suggested we see if the Masterchefs had plans for dinner.  We had yet to try Wild Yak in Northcote together and I'd been assured that there was a good meal to be had.  My earlier feelings of queasiness dissipated at the thought of something savoury.  It was decided that due to the care required for the three Minichefs, Mr Masterchef would drive to Wild Yak and meet us there where we would order and take away our dinner and Mrs Masterchef would wrangle the boys, steam some rice and get the table ready.
  We ordered one serve of Shat Khatsa (spicy marinated beef entree), one serve of steamed Momo and two serves of fried Momo, one serve of Sha Thukpa Ngopa (special fried noodles with beef and vegetables), two serves of Chasha Nyamo-Kyurmo (chicken fillet cooked with lemon, honey, tomato and herbs - my personal favourite for the evening), one Lamb Curry, one Tingmo (a type of steamed bun), one Baklap (roti) and some yoghurt.  They also gave us a taste test of the Tibetan Green Salad, which was a lot more orange and white than it was green.

  The Minichefs tucked into their fried Momos with great gusto and were coaxed into telling me about their school holiday activities.  The youngest was quite pleased that it turned out I liked the movie Despicable Me too.  I ate a big plateful and then I picked at a few more things and washed it down with a larger than usual for me glass of Brown Brothers Moscato.  A fair bit sweeter than the Moscatos I've had previously.  I didn't bother with a blood sugar reading tonight.  For one thing, I didn't have the monitor with me.
  The Minichefs went to watch a movie before bed while the four adults enganged in banter and more wine.  I stuck with water for most of the time.  A little while into their movie, the littlest Minichef came through to inform me they were almost up to the 'boogie robots bit'.  It is one of my favourite bits in the movie and the darling things had paused it so that I would be able to see it.  I watched it then returned to the adults.

  More banter, laughter, and discourse on vaccinations (we are pro-vaccination) and somewhere along the way Mr Masterchef mentioned Baileys.  Everybody's ears and eyes perked up.  So tumblers were got, ice was issued and Baileys was poured (mine was half Baileys and half milk).  Then the Tim Tams arrived.  I had two Tim Tams and used them to suck up my Baileys.  I also managed to pour some of the drink all over myself but that just led to laughter.
  The nett result of the evening was that although I was saddened by my Granny's death, I was happy to have great friends around me giving their support and love and sharing their lives with me.  When we got back to Mr Smart's it was also time for me to head home.
  It was a big day, doubly so due to the unfortunate news, so I am just finishing off a lot of typing.  It is 6am now (instead of 5am, thanks to daylight saving kicking in tonight) and I doubt I am going to sleep tonight.  My neighbours are already awake and talking boisterously in their driveway and my nephew is due to be dropped off for babysitting in two hours time.  Maybe I will just watch TV instead.
  Be sure to love your families.
  Jess 

Special Edition - In Memoriam

I lost my paternal grandmother today, she was 89.

My Granny on her 89th Birthday

  My Granny went into hospital on Tuesday August 28th as a result of a heart attack related to pneumonia and suffered another massive heart attack about a week later.
The doctors warned the family then of the unlikelihood of a recovery.  She at least recovered enough to go back to her own room at the nursing home on Sunday 23rd September but a reassessment on the following Tuesday saw her come off all but palliative medication.  The palliative medication (a fancy term for morphine) kept her pain free but mostly asleep for the remainder of her time with us.
  She died peacefully around lunch time today, in the presence of my Mum and Dad and my Aunt T.  She was being visited by relations daily and as a family, especially those of us like me who were unable to visit, we owe a huge debt of gratitude to my Mum and Dad, Aunt B and Uncle C for their tireless efforts to ensure she was comfortable, understood what was happening to her and for making sure she was not alone.

  You may remember that Legacy was the subject of my September 11 post.  It was no coincidence that it was a short blog as I'd been told that night, that my Granny was likely to soon die and it was weighing heavily on my mind.  Tonight I thought I would share with you a little of the legacy my Granny leaves me with.

  Granny was English born, one of six children.  She was just 16 when the Second World War began and she joined the WAAF at age 18.  It was during her time in the English Air Force that she met a man who stole her heart, my Grandad, a gunner in the Australia Air Force.  They were married in the September of 1945 on weekend leave.

The photo was hand-coloured by my Granny's new mother-in-law.

My Dad at 18 months old.

   After the war, like so many young English women, she ended up on a boat to Australia to join her new Aussie husband.  She arrived in Melbourne on May 21st, 1946 aboard the New Zealand boat Rangitata.  From there she made her way to Adelaide where they settled together and had five strong, happy children, of which my Dad is the middle-est.
  Her husband, my Grandad, died shortly before I was born, leaving her a widow for the remainder of her life.
  So that's a brief history, but what will I remember?

  I will remember the care with which she tended her garden at Goolwa.  The thick healthy kikuya lawn, succulents, roses, herbaceous borders of lavender and rosemary buzzing with honeybees, hanging baskets full of flowers, camillias, pot plants, the old rain water tank kept in good stead by my Dad and Uncle C.
  I will remember that as a child there were always biscuits and lollies on offer and laying on the coarse long hair of the white goat skin rug which lay in front of her radiant heater next to the orange leather ottoman with an embossed pattern on top. Her compulsion to make sure you never left empty-handed or unfed.
  I will remember her stories.  One particularly springs to mind.  She once went to a small west country pub with a girlfriend of hers and they ordered pints of scrumpy, a particularly strong type of cider named for the act of 'scrumping', stealing apples.  They sat and drank and had a merry old time not feeling the least bit affected.. until they went to leave.  That was when they learned the hard way, that scrumpy gets you drunk from the feet up.
  I will remember two times in particular that Granny was pleased as punch with me.
On a previous occasion when she'd been in hospital some years ago I visited and brought her a potted Cyclamen.  It lived for years under her loving hand and she was thoroughly impressed with it.  She made my cousin send me photos of it more than once.
The other was having her wedding photo (shown above), scanned, reprinted and framed for her so that Aunt L could have the original.  I also made a framed copy for myself at the same time and it has sat in a prominent position in my kitchen for many years now.
  I will remember her fondness for potato crisps and a gin and tonic.
  I will remember that she was always proud of all of us.
  I will remember that she lives on in our hearts and memories.

  My Dad has often told us, he once asked her what it was she had wanted for her children in their lives.  She paused for a moment and responded, "Well I hoped you might all be happy."   A simple hope perhaps, but one that I try to live up to every day of my life.
  Jess

Oct 5 - City Dwelling

  Today I was on loan to the training department so I headed into the city to work with a fellow office administrator who's not been with the company that long.  Like my own team, the team at QV were really welcoming and work well together.  It was really good to know that my fellow office administrator was working with such a supportive team.
  One of the QV team was having her last day before starting maternity leave so I joined the team for her farewell lunch.  It was nice to see everyone celebrating with her, sharing in her happiness.  I was quite surprised to see how much depth of variety there was in this almost hidden shopping centre.  It has a nice little faux-laneway feel with open air areas.  I had no idea it was even there until today!  A hidden gem of Melbourne.
  My fellow office administrator and I got through quite a lot but of course there is always more to be done!  We certainly have more to do, but we at least know which way we're going with a few things now.  It's a lot to learn, and she's anxious to know everything now and therefore being quite hard on herself.  I'd be exactly the same in her position.  I know she'll be fine though, she's a quick learner and it's always fun to teach those!
  After work, I slipped out of the Little Lonsdale Street exit and headed to the front of the State Library to await Mr Smart.  I scanned the tram stops and surrounds as I ascended to the stairs at the base of the giant stone columns but didn't see him.  I turned and sat and as I did something soft landed on my head and I heard a laugh as Mr Smart sat down beside me.  Apparently he had seen me from the tram stop and followed me up the steps, a Melbourne Victory scarf now adorned my shoulders.
  It took us a while to decide on somewhere for dinner.  We are notoriously slow to decide on things when we try to make a decision together.  And our first choice looked too busy so we moved on, wandering around looking for somewhere likely to have us in and out quickly.  Eventually we ended up in Chinatown on Little Bourke Street.  We had a quick dinner, then caught the 86 tram down to Etihad Stadium for tonight's football match.
  Tonight was my very first live football match!  Now for those of you Australians up in arms saying 'But footy season is over!', I am of course referring to soccer but in the interests of harmony I am agreed that AFL is not the only game called football.
  It was a Melbourne Victory vs. Melbourne Hearts game.  The stadium was pretty full, the crowd topped 42,000 people!  Mr Smart's friend had got there early and was saving us seats on the halfway line on the third level.  It was a great view!
  It was funny and sometimes surprising to watch the activities of the official fan squads for both teams.  Victory's fan squad had some hilarious co-ordinated chants and movements.  They had a kettle drum or something which kept up an aggressive beat for the others to follow.  I imagine it is quite intimidating to the players if they can't block it out.  My favourite one was when they all pogo-jumped for a few minutes.  The other funny moment was the arrival of a flock of seagulls halfway through the match.  With all those white dots flying about it was sometimes hard to keep track of the white dot that was the ball!  Though Mr Smart, wag that he is, did point out that the white dot I wanted was the one without wings!
  I will admit, I found the game a lot more confusing without the TV commentary and Mr Smart had not yet explained the practice of 'avoiding the offside trap' so I was confused a few times when offside wasn't declared.  Also, watching from the side gave me a perspective problem.  Shots at goal that looked dead on, turned out to miss by miles!  In the end it was a home game loss for Victory, 1-2.  There were three brilliant shots at goal that fell short, the most heartbreaking one was when the ball hit the cross bar of the goal!
  Overall, even though we lost, I had a good time.  The atmosphere of a live match in any sport, is always much more fun than watching it on telly.  That said, I still enjoy watching Liverpool's matches from the comfort of the couch with commentary!  Perhaps next time I should take a small radio so that I can have the commentary in one ear.
  We caught the tram back up to the car at QV and proceeded back to Mr Smart's place.  We watched an episode of Red Dwarf and then curled up for sleep.  Pizza Cat was again indignant that she'd been shut out of her bedroom.
  Today's food was:

• Breakfast was yoghurt, berries, fibre toppers, slivered almonds and pumpkin seeds.
• Morning snack was four brazil nuts and one dried peach half.
• Lunch was at Squisito Bar at QV in Melbourne with almost the whole Centre Management team!  I had a salad of tuna, a free-range soft boiled egg, cos lettuce and small cubes of roast sweet potato with balsamic and olive oil dressing.  It was very light on dressing but quite scrumptious.
• Dinner was at Dragon Boat in Chinatown.  Mr Smart and I shared an entree of scallops in ginger sauce and then a main course of deep fried calamari with spicy chilli salt.  Nom nom nom!

   Apologies for the late post for Friday folks.  Mr Smart and I didn't get in until 11pm and it just seemed a teensy bit late to be staying up for blog writing!  Have a wonderful weekend!
  Jess

Oct 4 - Blindsided

  Had an angry moment at work this morning.  Not just angry.  I also felt betrayed, scared, unattractive, and caught completely off guard.  I was asked to do something that I was not comfortable with.  It was nothing illegal or even controversial, but it involved allowing others to see and potentially judge my appearance and physical form.  You'd think this would be no big deal since I've been sharing everything on here, but I felt shocked and blindsided.
  I was aghast.  Why had nothing of this been mentioned the night before so that I could at least be prepared for it!?  I did what was asked but only after belligerently stating "I don't like shit like this being sprung on me" in front of everyone.  Not my finest moment but it was the only response I had available in my brain when I was asked why my reaction to the request wasn't gleeful.  Actually 'not gleeful' is an understatement, I was on the verge of meltdown and trying very very hard not to burst into tears in front of everyone.
  Even now, I am not sure why my reaction to it was so intense.  I suspect that it stems from knowing I am not yet looking my best.  I have lost the weight so far rather rapidly and I'm still coping with adjusting my own mental image of me.  That's hard enough without letting others judge it too.  At least if I'd known about it the night before I could have focused my morning on looking and feeling my best.  At any rate, my reaction to it all was not a pleasant one and I seethed right through the day.
  Now because I know some people from work read my blog, I will reiterate, nothing I was asked to do was illegal or controversial.  I reacted badly in part because of the way it was handled but I think mostly due to my own personal circumstances.  I can't go into what was asked but I can certainly say that my reaction was not the result of anyone intentionally setting out to make me feel uncomfortable.
  After that was all done with, I badly wanted chocolate.  I didn't give in, but that wasn't easy.  One thing that did make me start to feel better is that I'd been asked to attend a meeting at head office at 3:30pm.  A colleague of mine in one of the finance teams is heading a project and wanted some shopping centre based knowledge and opinion on it to get her started.  That was relatively rewarding and it did mean I was home a little earlier than usual and able to get dinner and exercise started that little bit sooner than normal.
 

   Today's food and exercise were:

• Breakfast was yoghurt, berries, muesli, slivered almonds and pumpkin seeds. 
• Lunch was a Mission Wholegrain Wrap spread with half a hass avocado, then topped with around 100g of sliced turkey breast, yellow capsicum strips, fresh mushrooms, Perino snacking tomatoes and alfalfa sprouts.  I also had quarter of an unpeeled carrot.
• Dinner was a bowl of spicy veg-heavy chilli con carne.  Yummy!  It made my mouth all warm and tingly. 
• Dessert was 4 brazil nuts and 2 dried peach halves. 
• Exercise was 41 minutes on the cross trainer.
  Buffy lost her voice and still kicked butt! 
• Blood sugar reading two hours after eating was 5.8.

  After dinner and exercise I finally did some housework for this week!  I was keen to get it out of the way because this weekend is shaping up to be a busy one.  Another example of me trying to cram too much stuff into too little time.
  It was bin night so the first thing I did was empty the bins and recycling and drag the bins to the curb especially since I forgot last week.  Then I cleaned out GoGo's cage and made her all comfy, put on a load of laundry, stripped the bed, made the bed, loaded the dishwasher, hung out the laundry and finally sat down to write this!
  So now it's time to prepare for tomorrow's escapades and get to bed!
  Jess

Oct 3 - To Do To Do To Do

 Not a bad day today though  I seem to be running behind a bit at work.  A result of putting too much on the to do list and then feeling disappointed when I inevitably don't achieve it all.  I try to keep the to do list down to what is reasonable but then some things just take longer.  Like this afternoon I sat down with Ops Men J and D to do our monthly financial forecast.  It took twice as long to do as normal and there are still a few little bits of it to finish off tomorrow!
  My habit of giving myself too much to do extends to home of course.  I sit here internally berating myself for the atrocious state my desk is in but it takes time to make and eat a healthy dinner, to take time out to do my exercise, and to write my blog each night.  Sometimes I just have to take a deep breath and think "Have I taken care of myself today? Yes.  Will it kill me if the dishes are unwashed another night? No."  It still bugs me of course, but it's easier to live with knowing I have my priorities right (well I think so).
  I'm heading into a rather busy weekend as well, so I'm already mind-a-racing trying to figure out when I'll fit in laundry!  Probably Sunday afternoon as I try to try on all my clothes and do a wardrobe clean-out with the help of Bertie.  There are SO many clothes that are not fitting me anymore.  I am in desperate need of a good shop for new work clothes!  I think I am down to a rotation of four work tops and I've been wearing black jeans to work which my boss either hasn't noticed, doesn't mind or is good naturedly tolerating.  They are admittedly very nice black jeans.
  So the master to do list advances, leaving its spawn in every nook and cranny, shopping lists, to do lists, big items needed list and the big items wanted list.
  That last one reminds me to send a humungous thank you to my Dad!  I have been humming and harring about whether or not to get a new camera.  My existing camera is a happy snapper.  It does the job and is very portable so it's always one me, but I have very little control over lighting, focus, shutter speed etc.
  Sometimes my flash over-exposes the photo's subject and when that happens there is very little I can do apart from hold an inflated bag in front of the flash (brilliant tip, thank you RD!).  Anyway, Dad is an avid photographer and decided he wasn't using one of his older cameras much anymore so one of his colleagues very kindly took time out on his way to work this morning to deliver it to me!  I am definitely going to have a lot of fun learning how to use a 'proper' camera!  I'll be able to start doing my light painting again!

Light Painting: Here's one I prepared earlier (years ago).

  For light painting, you choose a dark environment (room with lights off or outside at night) and then leave the camera shutter open for an extended period, say 5 or 10 seconds, and wave lights at it or go even longer viewing moving lit objects.  You can write your name with sparklers and do lots of funky stuff!  It's something I used to do when I had a better camera and something I'm really looking forward to doing again.
So now that's on the to do list too! 
  
Today's food and exercise were:

  Breakfast was one slice of toasted Bürgen Wholemeal & Seeds Bread spread with a teaspoonful of Maille Hollandaise, topped with two rashers of short cut bacon and one poached egg.  My egg poacher seems to do three poached eggs better than it does one.  This one was over-done! 
  Lunch was a Mission Wholegrain Wrap spread with a quarter of a hass avocado, then topped with around 100g of sliced turkey breast, Masterfoods Corn Relish, Lebanese cucumber, fresh mushrooms and alfalfa sprouts.  I also had a bowl of five Perino snacking tomatoes and a third of a yellow capsicum and quarter of an unpeeled carrot both sliced into sticks. 
  Afternoon snack was two pecan nut halves, two hazelnuts, four almonds, two brazil nuts and one dried peach half.
  Dinner was two of the salmon cakes I made yesterday, 10 minutes in my AirFryer, and I again served them with a salad made of Coles Asian Baby Pak Choi Stir-Fry mix and a good splash of Red Kellys Sweet Chilli & Lime Dressing.  The stir-fry mix works well as a salad and the dressing compliments both it, and the salmon cakes. 
  Dessert was a 48g Arnott's Wagon Wheels biscuit.  It was delicious and bordering on too sweet!  But I wasn't bored, I wasn't lonely, I wasn't depressed, I just felt like having dessert.
  Exercise was 41 minutes on the cross trainer. 
  Blood sugar reading two hours after eating was 5.4 so the Wagon Wheel doesn't seem to have done much harm on that front (probably more due to the exercise done afterwards; let's get that pancreas pumping!).  It is quite a high calorie treat though so I'll be careful.

  To do lists and chores un-done aside, I feel pretty good today.  It was my second day of cross trainer on load 2 and it definitely makes a difference.  Give me another three months and I might be tempted to try a program that steps the resistance up and down while I go!
  So still lots to do, but top of the list right now is sleep!  Good night all.
  Jess

Oct 2 - Where Did I Slow Down?

  Where did I slow down?  Or when?
  I thought I'd share a photo my dad took many years ago.  I think I was about nine years old but I can't quite read the date stamp on the photo so Dad may have to correct me.  From left to right, that's Gub, me (yes, the skinny one with straight blonde hair), my brother BaconBones and of course, Bertie.  We are in the Flinders Ranges somewhere atop a rock formation we would have scaled voluntarily and with glee.
  A wonderful thing about our childhood, we did a lot of walking.  My parents were avid bushwalkers and took us with them from a very early age.  I can remember photos of Mum with Gub in a baby carrying backpack.  I've seen a lot of countryside in South Australia and Victoria and I remember it all fondly and with the same sense of wonder.
So what happened?
  Well.. I became a teenager for one thing.  My hair suddenly went curly and boofy!  And I noticed boys.  Some noticed me which was nice, and some didn't which was devastating.  I got boobs and other curves and felt fat and weird.  It was suddenly completely and utterly embarrassing to be seen with my parents.  I stopped going with the others on our weekend walks.  I had 'better' things to do than hang out with 'the olds'.  I felt fat so I ate.. enter the shame spiral of comfort eating.
  So if I could, what would I go back in time and tell the fourteen year old me?
  Well firstly, "You are so gorgeous, don't for a minute think you are fat and unattractive, you are beautiful and the boys are going to love you (except the one you're dating now, he's a douchebag and you should dump him and definitely not date him again in three years )"  Yes, I was a bit of a slow learner with that one.
  Secondly, "Your parents are right about pretty much everything, learn to trust them.  They are two of the coolest people you will ever know in your entire life.  One day you are going to miss being able to see them every weekend so enjoy it for as long as you can.".
  Now obviously I can't go back in time, and even if I could it probably wouldn't have changed anything, after all I was a teenage, I knew everything.  Also, I'm not sure I would want to change anything.  I'm generally happy with how life has turned out for me and any little change back then would make now completely different!  So although I might wish I'd never given up bushwalking, that doesn't mean I can't start again!
  So where or when did I slow down?  I do feel that the path I went down started at around age fourteen.  There were many factors at many ages, nothing in life is ever a simple answer, but that is when I think of the first things starting to change.  Maybe that was to do with becoming an identity in my own right.  No longer just such and such's daughter, but Jess, a distinct and unique identity emerging in the universe.

  Today's food and exercise were:

• Breakfast was a slice of toasted banana bread with yoghurt, honey, slivered almonds and pumpkin seeds.
• Morning snack was two brazil nuts, four almonds, two hazelnuts, two pecan halves and one dried peach half.
• Lunch was a Mission Wholegrain Wrap spread with a quarter of a hass avocado and a smear of Rosella Reduced-Joule Chutney then topped with around 100g of sliced turkey breast, fresh mushrooms, Lebanese cucumber and alfalfa sprouts.  I also had a bowl of eight Perino snacking tomatoes and a third of a yellow capsicum and half an unpeeled carrot both sliced into sticks.
• Afternoon snack was two homemade chocolate balls brought in by my substitute right-hand gal for Ops Man J's birthday.  They were lovely and it was very hard to resist going back for more but somehow I managed!
• Dinner was Salmon Croquettes.  I edited the recipe a little:  I made it into four salmon cakes rather than eight croquettes and I left out the two tablespoons of oil.  Instead, after I crumbed them I just sprayed them with the spray canola oil.  It worked just as well and I save myself a heap of calories.  I only cooked two of them, just 9 minutes in my AirFryer, and I put the other two into the fridge for tomorrow night's dinner.  I served them with a salad made of a goodly couple of handfuls of Coles Asian Baby Pak Choi Stir-Fry mix and a good splash of Red Kellys Sweet Chilli & Lime Dressing.
• Dessert was 20g of Lindt 85% Cocoa dark chocolate. 
• Exercise was 43 minutes on the cross trainer at load 2.  That's right, it's a new quarter in the year, so I've put it up to the next level!  Puff puff puff puff....

  I was in a more positive frame of mind today, in case you hadn't noticed.
  Jess

Oct 1 - You Are What You Eat

Chuck & Beans, 1st Aug 2007

  I've opened up today's blog with a cartoon.  I've seen it on quite a few weight related blogs but it wasn't until today that I finally found the original cartoon!  I don't like to use other people's work unless I can adequately credit them, so thank you Brian at Shoebox Blog for producing the cartoon strip Chuck & Beans.  It's brilliant.
  Thanks also go to Bertie for posting this one on Facebook as that's how I finally found the one I was looking for!  That original though is no longer appearing on Shoebox Blog.

  Anyway, after all that pre-ramble... Are we what we eat?

  Well obviously, not literally.  Eating carrots isn't going to turn me into a carrot though contrary-wise, eating fat does turn me fat.  But certainly we are the sum result of our genetics and environment.  What we are born with and what we choose to do with it, including feeding our bodies, all goes in to making up what and who we are.
  And who am I?  I am Jess.  I am an intelligent, shortish, currently fat female with a big smile, curly hair, quick wit, a kind and generous nature and tendency to existential crises.  For some inexplicable reason, today is one of those days.  My place in the universe seems uncertain, aimless and insignificant (though I'll admit that the last one sits perhaps more in the nihilistic camp).
  The trouble with the question 'Who am I?' is that it's one that can never really be answered.  It's even difficult to know where to begin.  Philosophy can offer comfort, consolation* and new ways of dealing with the question, but no philosophy can answer the question for you.  You need to find your own answers to the question of life, the universe and everything.  And though it's a simple answer and it may have worked for Douglas Adams, I'm afraid '42' just doesn't cut it for me.
  I'm not sure if it was thoughts like these that kept me feeling blah all day, or whether the feeling blah has led to these thoughts.  At any rate, for what it's worth they are my thoughts.  I feel mentally and physically drained.  I need a break and I'm thankful that at least I know I have one coming up, but I still have to slog it out a while longer yet.
   I'm not sure why but this has just been a very down day and I'm getting restless too.  There is so much I want to be doing for myself but not enough time to do them.  Work and the internet seem to get in the way so much.  I realise and accept that I have full control over the time the internet takes from me, but work?  There is no one else to pay the bills, so there I sit.  It's not that I don't enjoy my job, a lot of the time I do, especially doing one-on-one training with people, and I certainly love the people I work with.  It's just not where my priorities lie right now and it takes up so much time that I find it frustrating.
  All of this blah-ness manifested itself in a complete lack of desire to exercise this evening so I chose to give myself a rest.  I exercised on Friday, Saturday and Sunday, so it won't do me any harm to swap today for the Thursday on which I otherwise would've rested.  Mr Smart did all within his considerable power to get me onto my cross trainer but I just didn't want to today (but huge big thanks to him for always trying, I really do appreciate it always).
  When he realised I was going to be stubborn tonight, Mr Smart even suggested I try out my new dumbbells if I wasn't up to the cross trainer.  But I confessed I'm a little bit scared of injuring myself if I do it wrong.  If any of my friends are familiar with correct strength-training techniques (particularly for women), then now would be a good time to volunteer to come over and help get me started.
  Food for today was:

• Breakfast was a Mission Rye Wrap spread with the leftover curried egg sandwich filling.
• Morning snack was a small piece of homemade Banoffee slice brought in by one of my head office team mates.
• Lunch was a Mission Rye Wrap spread with about 30g Yumi's Creamed Beetroot Dip then topped with 103g of turkey breast, sliced mushrooms, Lebanese cucumber and alfalfa sprouts.  I also had eight Perino snacking tomatoes.
• Dinner was a 130g piece of pork fillet and a serve of sweet potato fries cooked up in the AirFryer served with steamed broccoli, cauliflower and carrots.

  Hopefully the world will look rosier tomorrow after a good night's sleep.
  Jess

*Read Alain de Botton's 'The Consolations of Philosophy'